Trick or Treat Gate

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Research conduct by our political respondent has unveiled a worrying aspect to the soon to be defunct Clinton administration. This Halloween, Clinton and members of his team have conducted "trick or treat" campaigns against other nations.

First to suffer was the US's neighbour to the north, Canada. In a message sent to Ottawa, Clinton suggested that Canada cede the provence of British Columbia to the US. Canadian PM, Jean Chretian rejected the suggestion out of hand, but offered him Quebec instead. Clinton was furious, the following day airports in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, Montreal and Halifax were put out of action using runway cratering bombs delivered by stealthy B2 bombers.

In spite of the suggested personal friendship between Clinton & Tony Blair, Britain wasn't spared. The trick or treat message was picked up by Britains spy centre at GCHQ in Cheltenham. The message was quickly relayed to the British Prime Minister. Tony Blair held an emergency cabinet meeting and decided to tell Clinton to "Sod off". The following day 14 oil wells in the North Sea were destroyed by the US Navy.

The Government in Germany was the first country to aquiesce to Clintons demands. It is widely believed German supermodel Claudia Schiffer performed oral sex on the president. Diplomatic sources suggest Clinton had threatened a re-run of the devastastating attacks on Hamburg and Dresden during World War 2.

The Italian Government backed down after Clinton knocked over a dustbin outside the house of the Italian ambassador in Washington, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is now awash with red wine and Clinton now has a new Ferrari in his garage.

Clintons pranks nearly led to catastrophe when Clinton launched 2 minuteman missiles from a silo in Nebraska. The missiles hurtled over the north pole and on towards Moscow & St Petersburg, Russian President Putin scrambled Russian bombers from a base near Murmansk ready for a devasting nuclear counter strike on New York, Chicago & Los Angeles. However the missiles merely contained party streamers which spewed across their targets, Clinton later phoned Putin to tease him about he prank. Both leaders saw the funny side.

Saddam - distraught after his cat "Jemima" was bumped off by the CIA

Clinton take special delight in tackling Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein. Agents from the CIA infiltrated one of Saddams palaces and poisoned his treasured cat Jemima using using shellfish saxotoxins. Saddam is now said to be distraught

The deadlock in the US presidential election seems to have been the last prank from Clinton.In particular, thousands of ballot papers in Florida had inserts on a thin sheet of titanium place inside them, this created a multitude of "dimpled chad" votes and plunged the US into a political crisis

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