A man in Harrogate, North Yorkshire has been prosecuted by police for farting while driving. Mr Brian Turpitz has been fined £40 and given 3 penalty points for farting while driving on the A61 near Harrogate. Brian, 42 says "I was driving along at around 30 mph, I had just had dinner which included a large amount of cabbage. Naturally, I let one go, the next thing the police helicopter was overhead and police sirens all over the place. An officer gave me a ticket for driving without due care and attention due to the fact I'd farted whilst driving. That guff cost me forty quid and three points. I still don't know how they caught me, but I don't consider I'd acted unsafely. I thought the police would have had better things to do, I recently had a bird bath stolen and it still hasn't been recovered".
Investigations by our crime staff reveal that the police are using hi-tech methods to uncover the habits of flatulent drivers. Mr Turpitz's car had secretly been fitted with electronic devices whilst he refuelled his car at a filling station in Ripon. A listening device was placed under the seat while a gas chromatographic nuclear magnetic resonance electrostatic analyser was fitted in the air vents, both devices sent signals by GPS satellite to the listening post at Menwith Hill. Police forces across the country are expected to adopt the devices in a move to clamp down on farting & driving. Inspector David Schonhorst is heading the new project, according to David "Drivers will inevitably lose concentration whilst breaking wind, drivers will end up with skid-marks both on the road and in their pants. A recent study by the Home Office indicates that 65% of drivers involved in accidents had farted within the previous 3 days. We're determined to reduce this figure in the interests of public safety".
Mr Turpitz, 39 decided to appeal against the police. On May 20th he appeared at Harrogate magistrates, the presiding magistrate Kevin Graf-Spee dismissed the charge and told the police to stop being such wankers.
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